Let go of control and trust life!
Today, it’s about how you can let go of control more and more surrender to life and being. I think it’s an advanced exercise because it’s not easy to surrender and trust. But at some point in your spiritual development, the subject wants to be consciously perceived.
Want to keep control
The mechanism of wanting to stay in control can be lived by us from “very obvious” to “very subtle” and often we are not even aware of it. At some point in our spiritual evolution, we are challenged to face this issue and realize HOW we want to control people / events / energies / emotions etc. Basically, it’s very easy to see if we want to control: EVERY MOMENT, where we want anything to be different then IT IS, it is an attempt to manipulate life / existence according to our ideas.
Why do we want to have WHAT IS different? Because it does not correspond to our ideas, ideas, wishes and concepts. Because we believe we can judge what is meaningful/good/right…….for ourselves and for others up to the whole world. But who says that we know what is best for each of the parties involved in the situation? Who also says that we always know exactly what is best for us?
Review briefly and consider the important turning points in your life. Did it go exactly the way you wanted it to go? Or was it “quite different” and always, in the long run, better than conceived? We cannot always immediately see what the higher meaning of a thing or event is (so why it is better than what we would like), but later it usually reveals itself to us. The intelligence that “controls” life (if you want to put it that way) is infinitely wiser than our limited mind and always refers to the big whole because it IS the big whole itself. Our ego cannot understand this, let alone accept it. The ego wants to hold the reins. Of course, behind control is often fear, the desire to protect and the need to avoid pain.
Examples of how we try to control:
- You have a clear idea of what the right job, the right partner, the right living conditions are for your children / parents / partners / friends. In a clear case of manipulation, you will try to openly influence or even pressure you to comply with your ideas. In the subtle case, you will pretend that you accept the decisions of others, but secretly you know better, have fears, and would like to be different.
- Your partner yelled at you and you retreat pouting. Silently, you try to punish and control your behavior. You will not call her for a few days now and let her wait.
- You watch a television report on the situation in Afghanistan / global warming / Donald Trump / the 3rd Reich / etc and start to rant, you make the politicians failure and you are very worried. You talk about it with family and friends.
- You made a mistake, you make yourself guilty with the curious idea, if you only feel a lot of guilt, you will not make the mistake in the future. We apply the same principle when we believe that we can influence the behaviour of others by accusations that they will act differently in the future.
- You control your weight/thoughts/actions/words/looks supercritically and overexactly and constantly analyze yourself
- You don’t allow yourself to feel feelings because it makes you weak, hurtful, or helpless.
- You’ve made an appointment, but you better call two more times to make sure everything’s all right.
- You check if your partner is online in Facebook/Whatsapp etc, if he doesn’t answer again
- You plan everything in advance and leave nothing to chance
- You hear that a forest has been cut down and it fills you with unspeakable pain and immense rage.
- Your father is seriously ill, but you do not accept this and only wish that he will get well again.
- Your friend has passed away and you know that it could have been prevented if she had only tried this one therapy.
- You sit in a bus and a lot of people cough and sneeze around you. You think they should stay at home or wear a mask so they don’t infect others.
- You pass a graveyard and feel many unsaved souls that you immediately send into the light
- You channel messages from angels which are “infected” with your own ideas instead of conveying pure messages without judgement.
- You are clairvoyant and diagnose your girlfriend’s chakras without being asked and tell her what she needs to change.
- You want to know and understand everything.
The list goes on and on……
Step 1 see how you want to control and how you are in resistance to reality.
Step 2 give up control and say YES to what is.
The ability to say YES comes from clear knowledge:
- that everything follows a higher intelligence
- that we know/judge only to a very limited extent
- that everything has a higher meaning
- that our influence can be apparently great, but it is basically very limited and only works if the aspirations would unfold in such a way anyway.
- that wanting to control only brings additional pain
- that what should be in the big picture will be and what should not be will not be, no matter how hard you try.
- that one is always carried and suspended from one’s own pure being
- that everything balances itself out without intervention
- that I can also act here and now WITHOUT being in resistance (it is a high art for sure)
The typical first question I’m asked is this: Does that mean we should accept everything without will and do nothing in life?
No, that’s not what it’s called!
It is a fact, that life “does what it wants”. We have experienced this often enough and still have the quiet hope that we could prevent / force / control / bend something, etc.
That which is, IS. The forest has been cut down, the letter sent away, the money gone, the daughter moved out so on. What does “being against it” mean, except pain, suffering and loss of power?
“When should I act?”, you ask yourself.
There is this phenomenon: the freer we are in our being, then we simply act spontaneously, without ulterior motives, without will and our doing simply arises from the moment and the inherent intelligence of the totality of being.
But it requires a fine discernment from us and an intact self-observation in order to recognize: am I now in resistance to what is or does the action simply arise from being? Our ego is very clever and then pretends to accept things and act spontaneously, although we want control them in a sublte way. You can only observe yourself again and again and be completely honest with yourself.
Ask yourself: Do I have a hidden intention in this matter or am I really neutral/free? If you have an intention, then you try to intervene instead of letting happen/develop. If you have been a doer so far, then I recommend you always stop for a moment before you act, because you are very trained to take over leadership and to act, this is then an automated process. Try to pause more often, be quiet, wait and see if you want to control life or people right now.
The next question I get to hear sounds something like this: what if my husband beats me and abuses me, should I simply put up with it, because that’s what it is?
Spontaneous actions to protect yourself or others, to help in dangerous situations or similar is not a way control! Control is always an open or hidden intention to want something according to one’s own will/conceptions. In the case of the abusive husband, however, it is usually the case: the woman cannot yet unravel, which can have various reasons. She fights, scolds, suffers, is the victim and does not manage to leave. Both perpetrators and victims want to control the case. The perpetrator’s obviously got it. As victims we are passively aggressive and indirectly exert power and control. Victims often carry an incredible amount of anger.
Each of us has already experienced the moment when something was simply over, done, finished….and we have gone and freed ourselves. Without wasting words. The moment when this woman just leaves, gets help, moves into the women’s shelter or to her girlfriend.
Please do not misunderstand me: I do not want to play down the suffering of this abused woman or even put myself above it with an aloof “that’s the way it is”. I have full compassion and at the same time I know that every victim, every perpetrator, every being must come to the point, when it is enough and it frees itself. Yes, even the perpetrator must free himself from the destructive pattern. This moment is a spontaneous action and not the exercise of control. One could say it is the spontaneous action of grace.
To sum up, you can say that you have already gained a lot if you become aware of the subtle mechanisms you use to maintain control. In another article I would like to explain how you can further strengthen your trust in life.